“I’ve completely switched my mindset.” – L’s Recovery Story
L is a RISE Recovery service user, taking part in Residential Rehabilitation. He referred himself to YMCA Together’s drug and alcohol services to recover from cocaine dependence.
This is his story.
“Charlie was my thing.
I had my first line at 18, then never touched it again for years. After a breakup around 22, I moved to Australia. That’s when it started to get a grip on me. I was in the sun all the time, finishing work, drinking beers and all that goes with it. I was suffering over my ex, and I blanked it all out with that.
When I came back to Liverpool, it got worse—mainly because of how cheap it was. Before I knew it, it had started slowly changing me. My morals were slipping. I wasn’t robbing anyone, but it turned me into a bit of a liar.
I met a girl. We had kids. But I was drinking around them, sniffing around them. I even drink-drove with them in the car. I ended up crashing and nearly killed myself. It was too much. Me and their mum split up. I moved into a big apartment, and coke was just dead accessible.
I couldn’t handle not living with my kids. So I hid behind the Charlie. It got completely out of hand. I was going weeks without eating, waking up panicking, needing a stripe first thing. Worrying about where the money was coming from. I didn’t even have clothes at one point.
Nobody wanted to be around me. I’d drained the life out of them. I looked terrible. My parents were scared of me. My sisters were scared of me. I hadn’t seen my kids in months and didn’t even realise. I was in a dark place, completely dependent on everyone else. Begging, crying, doing whatever I could to get what I needed.
I must’ve hit rock bottom ten times. And then there was a trap door underneath that. I lost everything. I became horrible to be around—untrustworthy and unreliable.
That’s when it hit me: People actually can’t stand to be around me anymore.
One day, I had a breakdown on the phone to my dad. I said, “I need help. This is it now. Because I can’t go a day without wanting a bag of Charlie.”
I was suicidal. I was having psychosis. Thought I was getting followed. It was terrifying. I wouldn’t even think about food. I’d get to the point where I was like, “I’m literally starving here. I’ve got to eat something before I start this bag.”
Then I came to RISE and sorted my head out. I started training again and eating properly. Started rediscovering myself. I’d completely forgotten who I was. I was suicidal.
Before that, I’d done five weeks in Prehab. When you first think of rehab, you imagine dark and dingy places. I thought the people would all be messed up. But this place blew me away. It’s sound.
I was struggling badly. But I’m content now. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. The kids are seeing me sober again. That means everything.
The staff are brilliant, really supportive, and always there for you. RISE is a proper safe place.
And my mind is actually at peace now. There’s nothing rattling around my head that scares me anymore. I’ve finally got some quiet—and I’ve never experienced that before. I never let myself.
Knowing I can go back into the world and not have to get on it gives me hope. I’ve completely switched my mindset. There’s opportunity out there for me now.
Cocaine used to consume every waking thought I had. It took everything from me. But I’m rebuilding. I see my kids every Sunday. I’ve got work lined up for when I leave. I’m getting a house. I am recovering.
People shouldn’t feel ashamed to get help. Don’t leave it too late. Because whether you know it or not, you’re destroying everyone around you, including yourself.”
