C’s Recovery Story: I woke up one day and said, ‘“I’m getting clean.”

C is a RISE Recovery service user, now in Step Down after completing Residential Rehabilitation. She was referred to YMCA Together’s drug and alcohol services to recover from substance dependence.

This is her story.

What brought you into YMCA Together’s services?

I was on crack and heroin before I went to Florence House. I reduced my methadone there. I went into detox in the Hope Centre and then came straight to RISE. The YMCA pathway is different from other organisations where I was written off.

My life was shit. I was sticking intravenously. I was smoking crack cocaine. I was smoking spice. Give me any drug and I’d take it.

But even though Florence was a first step from the street service, it changed my thinking. It made me want to get clean. My friend gave me a tiger’s eye stone that you wear around your neck. After about three days I woke up and said, ‘”Okay, I’m getting clean.”

I believed in God. I had hope that I’d get back, because I’ve been in recovery before. I went downstairs to the staff and said, ‘Have you got the Hope Centre number please?

I was on 80 milligrams of methadone. The Hope Centre said, “Get to 60ml and we’ll let you in.” It was hard, but I got myself down to 12ml.

I went into the Hope Centre and I violently vomited for seven days. I remember screaming for the first time in my life, thanking God. I was just so blessed, because I just wanted one day clean.

Then I came into RISE, and I’m five months clean now.

What was life like at RISE? 

Coming to RISE is very scary and daunting at first, but the staff here are amazing. They’re in recovery as well, so they sort of understand your life. 

We’d do group therapy in the morning and workshops in the afternoon. Group therapy was good. That’s where you seem to grow. You find yourself because you’re going through pain, sitting in feelings that you don’t want to sit with. I got a lot from CAT Therapy. A psychologist comes to talk with you in depth. I now see myself in another light. I’ve got a compassion and empathy for myself because we just beat ourselves up about using, constantly.

RISE has done me good. I’m grateful for RISE. Even though you’re in a bubble, you’re safe and protected. It’s like being at home with an extended family. Connection is important in recovery.

I have never laughed so much in all my life. People’s characters make me smile.

I graduated – and I didn’t think I’d graduate – on the 21st of October. I turned 40 on 26 October. So it was a big milestone for me, my life is changing. I’m now at Step Down with my little dog. They allow you to have dogs in which is good. Some people won’t come into recovery unless they can bring their little sidekick!

 

What was the most challenging part of your recovery journey?

I’d been in recovery before. I went clean for 17 months, and was sponsoring women and helping people with the work. But a relationship sort of broke down, and then that’s how I ended up using for seven years.

The first relapse after being in recovery was a heavy one. I lost my child, so I had lots of trauma in that time. 

 

You’re now on the next part of your journey at Step Down. How are you finding it?

I’m finding a bit daunting, really, because I’ve moved into somebody else’s territory.

But I rearranged my room to how I wanted it. I found a ring with the Serenity Prayer in it, and I thought, ‘It must be my time.’

I’m trying to fix the internal condition, otherwise the outside world won’t fix. Part of that is looking ahead. I want to try and start an English and Maths course because I want to go to university to study law – I just want to do something with my life.”

I’m doing a women’s mental health course and getting an actual qualification. So I’m living the big bad world now – life on my terms – getting to do normal things like shopping. Just normal living, that’s what it gives you. Freedom.

My tool bag, the things I learned in recovery will help when I’m feeling low. I’m trying my hardest to stay in my own lane.

What would you say to somebody who wants to get into recovery?

Give yourself a chance and trust the process. You may get bored along the way, but you know what? You’re gonna get bored in life anyway.

Be authentic and stand in your own truth, because that’s where you shine. People don’t need to see your outside mask. We need to see the real person, the real you.”

Just have a little bit of hope.